Lesson learned.

Don't go to grad school within 3 hours of your undergrad when your PI doesn't trust the people she has working for her.

Major points of the past few days:
1. Passed exams! :) I don't have to take any undergrad classes, but...
2. ...this means I have to take 3.5 grad classes in a 10 week period. I am officially staying in my summer lab for my first rotation, which is good.
3. During an orientation activity, I see my lab mom calling. I call her back, set up a time for today to talk about paper related stuff, and nervously wait for today's phone call.
4. We talk about all of my project related stuff. She tells me there are two manuscripts with my name on it. One of these is due to approximately one week's worth of stuff that I did. The other is due to my thesis: the two projects that are completely new techniques that I tried, troubleshot, and after lots of struggle and effort, got to work. As well as a technique that I perfected for our lab over the course of the year before. Of course, it's the second paper that's in trouble due to a few experimental controls.
5. We talk about who could do the experiments. Essentially, one of the people who I taught is very bright, but doesn't give a shit. She's been switched to a completely different project (hilariously, like I told Lab Mom to do) while the second person who is also very bright and definitely cares, wasn't taught that particular technique because Lab Mom wanted her to learn a different technique from me. (Again, ironically, I will be teaching her this technique this weekend.) The conversation goes like this:

Lab Mom: There really isn't anyone who has been taught this technique?

BOTR: Well, I taught Labmate1. But she's been switched to a different project. And Labmate2 doesn't know it. And it would probably take Labmate2 a few runs to get it down.

Lab Mom: Yeah, and I can't write anything after two weeks.

*awkward silence*

BOTR: Too bad I can't do the experiments.

Lab Mom: *laughs* You sure you can't?

*conversation continues, feeling of being trapped overwhelms BOTR, and she makes plans with Lab Mom to come back this weekend and do the experiments*

Lab Mom: You agree that my points are valid though, right? There won't be a paper unless those experiments are done.

BOTR: Yup.

Gahhhhh. I feel so irritated. If she'd prioritized this project with one of the summer students, they could have gotten it done. And she hasn't really kept in touch despite my frequent emails, and when she has, it's been pretty much all business. Which makes me sad. And I'm pretty sure it's a somewhat cultural thing/she's really freaking busy and that's fair. I just feel used. And I know this is good for both of us, but I know that she was playing on the "your project will die" aspect that she knows drives me nuts. I wouldn't have trained so many people for her if it was going to turn out that she wouldn't trust them and will instead guilt trip me into coming back. Don't get me wrong---I still love her. I just wish I hadn't expected this outcome.

Damn it, I hate that I feel like I don't have a backbone. I think that's the real problem here. I can stand up for myself when it comes to my mentors, but when it comes to PIs, my backbone disappears because I so desperately want to get papers because I really want to have an outstanding grad career to get a fantastic postdoc to be able to get a TT job.

Anyways, I need to go pack for tomorrow. I'm going into my lab at GSU and then driving two hours to go into lab at my undergrad. I probably won't be back until Monday morning. Hopefully things go well and this weekend in undergrad lab isn't a waste.