And the doom cloud gathers...

I've now realized how much work I have to do for classes along with rotation work...DOOM. Trying to find time to send Lab Mom the emails I need to about paper stuff is not easy.

Shiny star moment of the past few days: Crystals! Pretty crystals! :)

Also, anyone have any hints on applying for the NSF (or the Hertz)? I'm attempting to chip away at the application this week.

Woooooo!

Undergrad visit was successful (data-gathering wise). My papers should be submitted soon.

Awkwardness occurred due to current PI and my PI for my next rotation in that they fake fought over me. This is awkward. AWKWARD. Current PI keeps on making comments like "You need to work for me, not NextPI." Next PI keeps on making comments like "CurrentPI won't mind if you come work for me." I've decided this is only slightly funny, and mostly awkward. Especially since I haven't even worked for NextPI yet.

Classes started. Let's put it this way: AHHHH HOLY CRAP HOW CAN I BALANCE ALL OF THIS WORK WITH ROTATIONS AND FELLOWSHIP APPS. One of the classes will be simultaneously really cool and filled with so much work. The other 2.5 will be vaguely cool, but still filled with work. Ugh.

But drumroll please....

I'M ON MY FIRST GRAD SCHOOL PAPER!!!

Essentially, some side work I've been doing for one of our lab's collaborators on a different protein is now going to be published. I just found out yesterday, and I'm pumped. My mentor's now joked about "fastest grad school paper publication ever."

This means I'll probably have a publication (this paper's pretty cool and where we're submitting it to is probably going to accept it) and two submitted papers in time for my NSF. Yay! Best early birthday present ever.

Blast and hell.

It's hard to be mad at someone who is SO EXCITED to see you.

Yup, that's right---I'm in UndergradCity, doin' lab stuffs. Long day of GSULab, drive, and UndergradLab. Tomorrow I will be in my old lab in the wee hours of the morn and will likely be there until the late hours of the night. And then driving back to GSU in the wee hours of the morning.

Saw Lab Mom. She nearly ran into another car and parked possibly in the worst manner you can when there are 3 empty spots in front of you so she could jump out of the car to give me a hug. Yeah, my irritation disappeared pretttty much instantly. And then she bought lunch for me and the poor undergrad who is now in charge (and who is forced to put up with me for the next 24 hours so I can train her), so any last bits of anger faded when she showed me that she *actually* wrote up a manuscript (her "I'm totally writing up a paper" bit lasted for a year before I figured out that she was just using it to motivate me). In fact, she's written two manuscripts. And both have my name! My baby paper has me as second author after herself (she writes the whole thing/has some of her sabbatical experiments in the paper) and the other paper I'm sitting at third. Not bad.

And then she emphasized that she's prioritizing these experiments now. Which is nice to hear---I mean, it would have been a lot better if she prioritized it months ago. But at least she's prioritizing it now.

But yeah. She's even planning on trying to see me before I leave at 7 on Monday morning, asked about my life, and made me feel like she actually misses me in more than a "I wish I had you as my student still because you work ridiculously hard" sort of way.

This is why you need an "it's complicated" facebook-style status for your research advisers.

Lesson learned.

Don't go to grad school within 3 hours of your undergrad when your PI doesn't trust the people she has working for her.

Major points of the past few days:
1. Passed exams! :) I don't have to take any undergrad classes, but...
2. ...this means I have to take 3.5 grad classes in a 10 week period. I am officially staying in my summer lab for my first rotation, which is good.
3. During an orientation activity, I see my lab mom calling. I call her back, set up a time for today to talk about paper related stuff, and nervously wait for today's phone call.
4. We talk about all of my project related stuff. She tells me there are two manuscripts with my name on it. One of these is due to approximately one week's worth of stuff that I did. The other is due to my thesis: the two projects that are completely new techniques that I tried, troubleshot, and after lots of struggle and effort, got to work. As well as a technique that I perfected for our lab over the course of the year before. Of course, it's the second paper that's in trouble due to a few experimental controls.
5. We talk about who could do the experiments. Essentially, one of the people who I taught is very bright, but doesn't give a shit. She's been switched to a completely different project (hilariously, like I told Lab Mom to do) while the second person who is also very bright and definitely cares, wasn't taught that particular technique because Lab Mom wanted her to learn a different technique from me. (Again, ironically, I will be teaching her this technique this weekend.) The conversation goes like this:

Lab Mom: There really isn't anyone who has been taught this technique?

BOTR: Well, I taught Labmate1. But she's been switched to a different project. And Labmate2 doesn't know it. And it would probably take Labmate2 a few runs to get it down.

Lab Mom: Yeah, and I can't write anything after two weeks.

*awkward silence*

BOTR: Too bad I can't do the experiments.

Lab Mom: *laughs* You sure you can't?

*conversation continues, feeling of being trapped overwhelms BOTR, and she makes plans with Lab Mom to come back this weekend and do the experiments*

Lab Mom: You agree that my points are valid though, right? There won't be a paper unless those experiments are done.

BOTR: Yup.

Gahhhhh. I feel so irritated. If she'd prioritized this project with one of the summer students, they could have gotten it done. And she hasn't really kept in touch despite my frequent emails, and when she has, it's been pretty much all business. Which makes me sad. And I'm pretty sure it's a somewhat cultural thing/she's really freaking busy and that's fair. I just feel used. And I know this is good for both of us, but I know that she was playing on the "your project will die" aspect that she knows drives me nuts. I wouldn't have trained so many people for her if it was going to turn out that she wouldn't trust them and will instead guilt trip me into coming back. Don't get me wrong---I still love her. I just wish I hadn't expected this outcome.

Damn it, I hate that I feel like I don't have a backbone. I think that's the real problem here. I can stand up for myself when it comes to my mentors, but when it comes to PIs, my backbone disappears because I so desperately want to get papers because I really want to have an outstanding grad career to get a fantastic postdoc to be able to get a TT job.

Anyways, I need to go pack for tomorrow. I'm going into my lab at GSU and then driving two hours to go into lab at my undergrad. I probably won't be back until Monday morning. Hopefully things go well and this weekend in undergrad lab isn't a waste.

Running buddy!

I am soooo tired.

Another first year (the only female first year I've actually been hanging out with) and I are now running buddies. Yay!

Good: She and I have essentially the same pace, stress relief, getting back into shape, efficient use of time in the morning when I've set something up in lab, we're probably going to do an 8K together

Bad: I AM SO TIRED AND WE ONLY DID 2.5 MILES. I usually (i.e. before I graduated) did 5-6 mile runs. Fail status for the getting out of shape.

But guys guys guys I passed my tests! I don't have to take undergrad classes! Wooooooo! Just a shitton of grad level courses...woo?

And today my co-adviser person (research scientist collaborator person) told me he really hopes I join the lab. And he doesn't really have any real financial investment in me joining. So that's pretty cool.

Anyways, just as a random note about the status of this blog---I'm planning on doing a blogroll and a cast of characters type list. Please shoot me an email if you would like to be included on the blogroll or if you have suggestions for future posts/blog improvement.

Quick post.

Ok, I really want to go put my laundry in the washing machine (damn you, 8am-10pm laundry room hours) and go for a run before I go to my baseball team's game in GSU city, so this will be fast.

1. Orientation has started! My classmates seem cool. I like most people so far.

2. I've been getting a lot of people (mostly guys) coming up to me and remembering who I am. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to remember their names. This makes me think that I am somehow memorable. According to a guy friend, it's probably due to the fact that I am: a) approachable (who knew?) and friendly and b) not in the large pack of women that seems to have formed. The cliques can be broken down into biochemists/organic and physical people who like biomolecules (mostly men), women who aren't biochemists (a fairly large group), and international students. I've talked to people from all 3 groups, but I mostly have been around the biochem group.

3. Placement exams are over! I'll find out the results on Tuesday. As long as I passed 3 including biochem, I should be ok. Even if I didn't, then I just have to take classes. Which would be sad, but meh.

4. Meeting with CurrentPI went pretty well yesterday. Apparently Fred told her I did a good job, which is nice. It (unsurprisingly) went from me presenting to her coming up with brilliant ideas.

5. Asked if CurrentPI would write me a letter/let me do a proposal on my current work for NSF, and she said yes. Also agreed to let me extend my first rotation into the first official rotation. (So sorta like the "let's move in together" relationship talk. As compared to when I'll be asking a PI to join the group...the "let's get engaged" talk of grad school.) Now I just have to dig up a letter of rec from Lab Mom and BigWig I worked for in Summer 2009.

And I'm off!

Well, that was not fun.

Warning: If you don't want to hear me bitching, stop reading now.

Anyways, today was my first group presentation. For the past week, I've been hardcore working on figures and slides for my presentation with Fred. The presentation was rescheduled twice before today.

First of all, Fred drove me *nuts.* I spent at least a good 20 hours in total with him coaching me over my shoulder. Despite repeated attempts to get him to back off. He corrected my acknowledgments, for goodness sake. I told him that he was hovering. I told him that my tolerance for it was incredibly low. And he just wouldn't stop. (I don't mind corrections and help---I mind you trying to dictate each word of the presentation.) I got so frustrated that I went and cried in the bathroom twice, which is only something I've done when dealing with the world's most frustrating class.

Secondly, after getting up early to go practice in lab/make some last minute changes, my PI had to reschedule for later today and so texted Fred. Who did not tell me. Until 30 min before I was supposed to give the presentation. Which led to another 3.5 hours of him dictating changes to me.

Third, PI showed up right before the presentation. Explains that family emergency occurred and she'll have to miss the presentation.

I gave the presentation to the lab and our collaborators. Got a rave from Fred about how I did, which is cool. (Though I did make him promise to buy me a beer or let me punch him. He chose to buy me a beer in the future.) Giving the presentation to PI with probably just Fred present tomorrow after orientation stuff ends in the afternoon. (Orientation tomorrow---yay/yikes!)

The only really cool part was that a few of my project ideas were raved about by a collaborator who I talk to a lot (he's on campus and we use his equipment all the time) and he thinks I should totally follow up on these ideas. :)

But ahhhhhhhh. What a day.

Visit to undergrad.

I really enjoyed visiting my undergrad. I got to see a lot of my friends, including a few class of 2010 people that were in the area.

It was definitely kind of odd though---very bittersweet. I do miss a lot from undergrad, but in a way, going back sort of confirmed my thoughts that I was ready to move on. I miss my friends and profs, but I realized that when talking to a friend and describing why the metalloprotein I'm currently working on is super interesting---I'm really happy to be working on something I'm passionate about. I love biophysical chem and metalloproteins, and at undergrad, I didn't get to work on either.

It would have been a better weekend if I could have seen Lab Soulmate and Lab Mom, but neither was possible. I saw a lot of good friends, got some work done, and had fun. Though staying up watching Spirited Away (very enjoyable movie, by the way) with friends until 4 AM was probably a bad idea when I was meeting up with a friend for breakfast at 8:30. But yeah.

Anyways, back to working on my group presentation that has now actually been firmly scheduled for Tuesday. Wish me luck!

Orientation approacheth!

Things have been going pretty well here. Still getting along with labmates, still getting along with roommates, still working my ass off for the two different grad students with barely overlapping schedules, and still trying to make friends with other incoming first years.

Orientation is starting in less than a week...crazy times.

My group meeting presentation will not be occurring this week due to my PI taking a spontaneous family vacation, but it's been pushed back to early next week. Still flipping over it (Fred thinks this is funny. I don't).

I might get to head back to my undergrad and visit this weekend, so I'm excited about that.

Ran into a potential PI yesterday, which wasn't surprising as I was using his lab equipment. What was surprising was that he actually remembered me from the interview weekend. Our exchange went something like this:

PPI: Hey, don't I know you?

BOTR: Oh, uhhhh, yeah. We met a while ago at interview weekend! I'm working for CurrentPI for the summer.

PPI: You were the one who worked for MyPostDocAdvisor, right? You should come work for me on SuperCoolMetalloprotein! We just submitted a paper on it and I really want someone to start working on SuperCoolMetalloprotein since my grad student on it is graduating soon.

BOTR: *proceeds to geek out about paper, terribly embarrassing herself in the process*

I have a feeling that the decision between my current lab and this lab isn't going to be easy to make...the choice between the dueling metalloproteins! CurrentMetalloprotein is pretty nifty too.

Also, I should stop feeling so flattered that PPI wants me to work for him. It's definitely only because I already worked on SuperCoolMetalloprotein.