First week impressions.

Well, my first week of grad school has been completed and I'm still alive.

The roommates have moved in, the cat is adjusting well, and I am not in the lab on a Saturday (a first and last occurrence). Life is good.

It was a crazy week---tons of new information to process, new people to meet, and I've already learned three techniques that are new to me. It looks like how my rotation will work in this group will be the style of me assisting the grad students in the group that work on my metalloprotein of interest so I can get exposed to lots of different techniques.

But the most important thing: I really, really like these people. My potential groupmates are really nice and funny and have been really welcoming. They're all really good buddies with each other, and a large portion of the group hangs out outside of lab on a regular basis. I'm hoping to break into this group soon. My current mentor is a fourth year grad student who has been a great teacher and very patient with me and all my questions. He informed me that "[I] seem to pick up things quickly" so I'm going to take that as a "you're not totally useless" sort of compliment! :)

My PI seems pretty awesome. Smart, funny, and passionate about her work. She's definitely a little scattered, but she's really blunt, which is new for me in a PI. I think I'll work best with a blunt PI: I tend to get irritated if you hint to me that you think I should come in more, you don't think my way is the most efficient, you think I'm not doing a technique right, etc. but you don't come right out and say it so I have to guess what's wrong. (Not to bash on either of my former PIs, there were many awesome qualities in both of them, but when you're trying so hard to be nice it can be difficult to be both kind and clear about what you want fixed.)

Anyways, I suggested something that I read to my grad student mentor for trying to fix one of the techniques, so he ordered the chemical and I get to try it this week. Most of the lab will be out for a conference next week, so I get to finally do a bunch of the stuff I've learned by myself. I also get to set up crystal trays soon!!!1!111 I'm super excited about that, since I miss doing crystallography and this will be the first time I get to do it since last summer.

Thank goodness my panicked state has finally subsided. Now I'm only flipping out about stretching the money I have until Sept 1st (payday seems so very far away) and my upcoming exams.

Email tag stopped!

My email tag with my new PI has finally stopped! I'm officially starting tomorrow morning. Excited, but let me say a few words about this:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I don't know why I'm flipping out. Everyone knows that the first day is mostly paperwork and irritating stuff like that. She even said that there's a lab safety training thing tomorrow.

A quick note: I'm sorry that I keep on having panicky posts. I don't mean to be a downer, this is just how I feel about this entire process. I'm sure there are other people out there who deal with BIG changes much better, but I want to honestly reveal my thoughts about moving to grad school for anyone who might be reading this who might be feeling the same levels of panic. You are not alone!

Adjusting.

Now don't get me wrong---I don't mind being alone. In fact, I have often preferred to be alone.

But I like having things to do. Currently, my things to do list is running out. I've now unpacked completely, I've made a budget, and I've shopped for all of the things I'll need. I'm no longer panicking about moving related stuff, so now I'm just worrying about starting up in a new lab stuff. And the chem tests. I'll probably start studying again tonight.

The new PI hasn't gotten back to me yet about starting tomorrow, and I doubt she will tonight. I sent her another email with my cell, just in case she still does want me to start tomorrow. I'm guessing that either she's out of town or my emails keep on getting lost in the masses of email she gets. I figure I'll call her office tomorrow morning if I don't get an email by then.

MOVED.

I moved two days ago, dropped my dad off at the airport yesterday (and subsequently missed the internet appointment), and I'm currently sitting in a frozen yogurt shop with free wifi. Man, every time I'm taken away from the internets, I realize how much impact it has on my life.

The roommates will move in either Friday or Saturday (my bet's on Saturday), so I have the apartment to myself for about a week.

The transition is going better than I thought, but I haven't really gotten to the really scary part yet. I just re-emailed the PI to remind her that I'm supposed to start on Monday since she didn't respond back to my email. Must...not...read anything into this (she's missed a few of my emails before, and I'm just assuming it's cause she gets tons of emails).

My mattress hasn't arrived yet (ah, the perils of ordering a super cheap mattress + super cheap shipping), so sleeping has been difficult. I'm guessing that it's going to show up by Monday, since the bed frame already got here. The cat has been hilarious---he keeps on hiding in bizarre places in the apartment. The best so far has been the linen closet. He managed to open the door, jump in, and close the door. And is perfectly content in there, and has repeated the act at least twice more.

Missing home. And the boy. And my friends. And the family.

On the bright side, my terribly worn phone (lasted about 4 years, and has several buttons no longer working and the battery barely holds a charge anymore) has now been replaced! Huzzah!

Moving tomorrow.

Tomorrow, the long drive occurs.

I am the mayor of panic city.

I made a bunch of lists yesterday, and it made me feel better. I'll probably make more lists today. And the cat is getting dropped off tonight.

I am petrified.

Anyone have some calming words?

PACKING.

Stupid packing. Yesterday I went through all of my upper division chem notes and organized them into a now exploding 3" binder. The irritating part about being a biochemist? I have to do a similar thing with my upper div bio classes. The studyfest has been retired until I move in.

Trying to not freak out, but it's tough not to. *Everything* is up for a flip out moment.

Will all of my crap fit in the car? (Yes, I've thrown out/given away/sold more crap since I packed up at school + my entire family doesn't have to fit in the car this time.)

But what if I forget something vital? (Then I will figure out a way to get it/get a new one.)

But I need to be studying!!! (No, packing is more important.)

I don't have enough time to say goodbye to everyone I want to! (They'll understand. You'll see them when you visit.)

And, of course, the biggest flip out moment (drumroll please):

WHY DID GRAD SCHOOL U EVEN ACCEPT ME I'LL NEVER SURVIVE DID THEY JUST WANT A GUARANTEED FAILFACE IN THE BUNCH I'LL NEVER MAKE FRIENDS BECAUSE PEOPLE WILL BE TOO BUSY LAUGHING AT MY INCOMPETENCE AND NO LAB WILL WANT ME EXCEPT FOR SOME PSYCHO LAB

The worst part about the last one is that I can't seem to completely talk myself out of it. D'oh.

Week till moving.

One week. Oh, the packing that I've been ignoring...

Car repairs today. Sad, sad car repairs.

Man, why can't GSU-city have good public transportation that would allow me to be in lab past 7pm?

I suppose that at least I won't be hit on. And that groceries will be easier to obtain than my usual getting on the bus/walking. And that both of the mechanics that I've talked to have assured me that my car has many, many years left on it.

But sad, sad car repairs.

Moving in 10 Days.

The countdown has now hit 10. Yikes.

Sorry for the lack of blog posts---two good friends got married on Saturday. This meant that this past week has been helping with prep, the bachelorette party, the wedding, the catch up sessions with many people, etc. I'm now hosting a friend for the next two days, so I expect not to post again for awhile.

The next 10 days are going to be filled with last minute apartment stuff, getting my car repaired for the big trip, packing, and squeezing in as many friends and family as possible.

Sigh. So freaked out. On the bright side, I finished analytical (*ding dong the witch is dead*), so only three more subjects to go. And I saved my three favorites for last. I think inorganic will be up next.

CAT

CAT.

Guys, I'm getting a cat to take with me to GSU!

Marie (not her real name, she has also been referred to as my best friend from home, or BFFH) called me about a week ago, telling me that she and her husband couldn't take Calvin with them to their new apartment. I asked the roomies if they would mind getting a cat a few months earlier than we'd planned. Well, I got their permission yesterday!

He's so cute! Calvin is a 3 year old black and gray tabby with BIG green eyes and a sweet temperament. I love cats. Don't get me wrong, I love dogs too, but I have a soft spot for cats and their independence. I lost my kitty about a year ago (he was 16, so he lived a good long life), and I've missed him a great deal since. Having a cat is something that I've really been looking forwards too, and it's even better getting a cat who I've known since he was a little kitty!

Yay!!!

zomg grad skool carnival contribution

I meant to post this later, but due to being too busy to come up with a new post today, you all get to see my zomg grad skool carnival contribution (courtesy of Samia over at 49 percent---go check out her post and submit your own thoughts by August 15th!). Check out her prompt first (if you haven't already) before reading!

I suppose I can sum up all of my feelings about moving to grad school with one word: wombatty. It's a term that once was strictly applied by a friend of mine (already in grad school) as describing irritating undergrads. However, a few close friends and I have expanded this particular term to describe someone who has little to no idea what is going on. There have been lots of jokes to further emphasize how wombatty we will become. No longer the mostly confident undergrad (perhaps with little reason), I will now become the new dork who has no idea where the pipet tips, lab pens, buffers, or even the bathroom will be. Despite my obsessive note taking, I will know where things are for a few short weeks, then be whisked into my new rotation with a new group. And again. And again. Since rotations in my program will only last a few weeks, it will be ridiculously insane. How will I correctly judge which group is right for me? How will the PIs judge me when I'll only have a few weeks in their lab? Will I get into the lab that I eventually choose, or will everyone else want to work for the same person?

I dread the coming incompetence that I feel sure will be exposed shortly. How did I even get into grad school? Why did my school accept me? Will my peers realize that a mistake was made by the grad school? I can only hope that plenty of my fellow incoming grad students will feel the same. Leaving my good friends---especially my "lab soulmate" best friend from undergrad---is nerve wracking.

However, my saving grace is that I have talked to others who feel the same way. I loved the grad students and my fellow prospective grad students at my choice of school. I will be continuing my pattern of working hard and trying my best. I'm living with two friends from undergrad who aren't in the program, but will be good friends even if I can't seem to make any. I think everything will be ok, and I'll get into a lab that I'll be happy and productive in. I choose a school that would give me a shot at these aspects, and I'm hopeful that I'll find my place at grad school. It just might take a while.