An Elephant in the Room

Ok, two posts in one day.

I've been talking a lot about sexism lately. However, after chatting with an old friend today, I think there's another subject that I don't usually think about or deal with much.

When I come home and I talk with my best friend from high school, I remember this "elephant." She's an incredibly bright, lovely, large hearted human being. When things got tough in high school, we always had each other. When things got tough in college, she was the person that I called crying at 2 AM. She was the one who called me crying about her abusive boyfriend. We often have very long periods of time where we don't talk.

But then we meet up, and it's as if no time went by. We laugh, we gossip, and do our usual get together activity. However, there's always been a large elephant in the room about the differences in the levels of education.

Comparatively, I've had a *much* easier time in life. While I've worked many different jobs while in college, I never had any fear about not being able to eat the next day. She's worked two FT jobs, supported a husband who wasn't acting as a partner, had to go to soup kitchens, and had other various life events along that line. She's an incredibly strong woman. I'm lucky to have her.

Today, we were talking about kids. We both really want them. She really wants them now. She's been married almost a year. She's talking about having one within the next year. She's got a steady job, she and her 2nd husband are getting along splendidly, and she's mentally prepared for it. I'm so lost by this concept. I have no time for it. Unless someone decides to speed up the whole nine months into about a week, there's no way this will be happening within the next 5 years. Plus, I want to spend enough time with my kids. We both simultaneously understood and didn't understand each other on these viewpoints.

I'm getting a little lost with where I was going. I suppose I could sum this whole conversation up with the fact that I'm sometimes frustrated with the limitations of the career path I've chosen, but that I am grateful for the education that has allowed me to not experience the same hardships as my BFFH (best friend from home). She's a great person to talk to about this sort of stuff, since she's great at essentially slapping me awake about issues I don't usually think about. Everyone should have someone like my BFFH in their life.

Sexism at a SLAC

I had a conversation today with one of my favorite chem profs of all time. He's really a great guy, and what the conversation was about was not particularly pleasant.

Throughout my four years here at the small liberal arts college I go to, there have been some incidents of sexism. Not lots, not anything to complain about in comparison to other places, but some. This used to be surprising to me, given the overwhelming majority women have in our science department.

Lately, I am no longer surprised by the crap given to me by male chem profs. I am not surprised, only saddened by the occurrences. This past semester has been an overwhelming amount of fail.

Both of the profs for the classes I TAed this semester gave me lots of shit about being a biochemist (you know, the "you aren't a real chemist" crap, despite the fact that I have taken ALL of the same courses plus some more chem courses plus some more upper div bio courses). One of them, after my "I've had it with your crap" moment which involved my don't fuck with me tone, conceded and has never done it to my face again. The other, well, he's just a special, special snowflake.

His harassment has not only involved demeaning me and my field of choice in front of our students, it has involved comments that are *far* too inappropriate to say to a student, let alone in front of a class of students. I can't get too detailed for fear of being recognized, but these comments stop just short of blatantly sexual.

I informed my favorite chem prof ever of these terrible comments today and he was incredibly horrified. He has now promised to talk to this prof (who is moving on to a new position that is TT)and is so incredibly upset that he didn't see this coming and that it occurred. My friend, who has had to deal with far worse from this tool, is also in the middle of registering a complaint.

The one thing that I have no idea how to handle is the fact that even though I gave this jerkwad as good as he gave me, he just didn't stop. I tried ignoring him, I tried giving him crap back, I gave up on being respectful to this man, I tried...everything I could think of. How am I supposed to deal with asshats like this when in the end, I had to go get a man to give him the slap across the face that he so desperately needs? How are students supposed to deal with the combination of a sexist man and position of authority?