Dear Labmates

I blame the current grant writing by our PI for some stress on the lab. But still, PLEASE STOP BLAMING THE REST OF US. If one more labmate tries to cause drama, I may go hide in the library and grade. Lord knows I have enough grading.

Thanksgiving cannot come soon enough. Almost 50% of my labmates are insane right now and we are all in the "we see each other for 12+ hours a day and you are driving me nuts" boat.

Hrumph.


I am tired.

Still here!

Dear blog/blogging friends,

I have not forgotten you.

However, I have been super busy. Bossman is....on a wee bit of a crazed boss cycle lately. I work loads. He scolds. I work more. He scolds. I am aware that this is directed at everyone in the lab.

Crazed Bossman is due to several things:
1. One of my labmates who has done AWESOME things got rejected from Science on a paper they'd been working on for months. Bossman really wants a Science paper.
2. Another labmate is now in the "running up against the departmental finishing time" zone. He is not ready to graduate. Bossman will not pay him after December but will not fire him. This is gonna be awkward.
3. We should hear back about the NIH grant for my project soon. We were right on the edge of "safe" with our score. This is making everyone nervous. (I will be fine on funding either way, but yeah, totally have already spent the pretty pretty money in my head.)
4. My mentor/the only other grad student on my project is supposed to graduate soon (aka by March)/is looking for jobs. She is fantastic, and he is cranky that I am not as fantastic.
5. The other second year has pretty much stopped working. Bossman has only barely given him crap.


I have also just recently obtained an undergrad!!! She is awesome. And is one of my former students that I really wanted. And it is so much fun/work having her.

I have three large projects. And yeah, they are eating away at me. We desperately need another grad student on my project. We will probably get at least two grad students---neither on my project.

I have been busy. And stressed. And I haven't been able to run recently due to injury/laziness/how damn tired I am in the morning and evening.

I am in lab trying to sort through papers that will get me least yelled at for when I give a short lit talk for group meeting.

Still loving the lab, the research, and even Bossman (despite his crazed tendencies), but I need a breather that I will not get for awhile.

And damn, do I want to be able to get a paper soon.

And I miss my friends and profs from undergrad. I miss Lab Mom tons. My personal life has been awesome, but yeah, nostalgia hit hard recently.

So yeah, please excuse me for the lack of posts recently. I'm busy pre-panicking about quals this winter.

Love,
BotR

Grief: Ten Years Later.

This has been a post that I've been thinking about all week. I listen to a lot of NPR, and they've had a fair amount of people sharing their stories about 9/11. I decided that I would share my story.

On Sept. 11, 2001, I was in middle school. My mom woke me up that morning with tears on her face. I will never forget it: my mom, who is one of the people best equipped to explain tragedies, could not explain why she was crying to me. She just told me to come out to the living room. I was convinced that one of my grandparents had passed away. My father was in there, watching the TV with a look of complete shock and horror. He grew up in NYC. My sister and I sat there in a stunned, teary silence while my mother was whispering prayers and shocked comments.

I don't remember how I got to school that day. As we have family in NY, I was petrified that they were hurt or killed, despite my mother's reassurances that they were far away from the Twin Towers and wouldn't have been in that area. I remember not being able to speak to my friends and teachers. The school was chaos---we only listened to the radio for more news on the horrible events that were quickly unfolding. Everyone quickly learned that the drama teacher's husband was supposed to be flying that day and we all heard whispers that she'd freaked out and gone home until she received a call from him. (She did. He came home a few days late, but we were all glad to hear that he was fine.) I got home that day and we received a call from my aunt and uncle.

My uncle's brother was part of NYFD. He'd had a stroke a few years earlier so he was no longer on duty, but we all knew how he went to funeral after funeral---unable to speak about the men that he had known so well. Ever since that day, he's struggled with depression.


I will always remember that day. One memory that continued to follow me that day was when I visited the Twin Towers approximately 4 years earlier was how my sister and I were looking out of the windows, counting the taxis that looked like little yellow bugs. I have a fear of heights, and I kept scooting back against the wall after finishing counting taxis. I kept wondering what I would have done if I was in one of those towers.

I am not a religious person, but I am taking this day to remember. My heart goes out to all of the families affected by this tragedy: ones who lost families and families who have dealt with the blatant racism that arose from this tragedy. The families that lost members due to the war. To each and every person affected by this tragedy.

We remember.

Blog roll is finally up!

Hi all!

Since there are only a few other grad student/prof blogs that I read, I've put them on the sidebar here. Please email me if you'd like to be included.


Also, I should not be here for what is my 3rd 14+ hour day in a row. Soooooo tired. I'm so tired I'm not even hungry anymore. Yikes!

-BotR

Publication the second!

Hooray! Lab Mom emailed a paper out today that has me in a prime position. Very, very small journal. But still! My undergrad thesis is *almost all published.* And according to Lab Mom, she's still trying to publish more of my thesis/undergrad work.

And it gave me an excuse to give Lab Mom a call. :)

Now I have two publications! One high impact journal where I'm in the middle of the author list (from my summer rotation here) and one low impact journal where I'm second (after Lab Mom). Perhaps I should try and apply for NSF GRFP again? I got pretty good marks last time, and my project proposal would be even better this time since I actually have had a decent amount of time to think about it (also, a lot more people care about my project as compared to the other project---the broader impacts are definitely not so hand wavy as before).

Hrmm....

August updates.

For whatever reason, I've been stupidly busy.

My two projects have now expanded into three projects. My bench is a mess. In order to remember all of the things that I have to do every day, I have detailed EVERYTHING in my planner (even stuff like "autoclave more LB"). The pile of plates in my personal mini incubator has grown to a ridiculous level. My desk is piled with papers that I have yet to read. And my monthly goals list that I keep posted above my desk never seems to get shorter, despite the number of things I cross off.

I guess this is what it's like when your project is kind of sort of working?

My hours lately have been...well, for me, I think it's kind of brutal. I get in at 7 and if I'm really lucky, leave at 7:30. Usually I'm not lucky. Usually I'm in here until at least 8:30. More like 9:30.

But you know what? I'm still enjoying it. I definitely get tired. And cranky. And hungry (like I am RIGHT NOW). My (main) project is still really cool. And I am very, very excited to potentially get an undergrad in about a month! (Bossman still has to do the final interview.)

And I get to go home for Fri-Sun! Three straight days without lab? I'll take it. :)

Bravery.

I have been following Gabrielle Giffords's recovery closely, and this was an amazing/touching story.

Welcome back, Gabby.